An alarming number of people think the world is going to end.

The other night I was seated on the balcony of my friend Jimmy Chiale’s 9th floor apartment, gazing out at the flash storm sweeping across the city, when all of a sudden a light appeared on the horizon. “What the hell?” shrieked one of Jimmy’s pals, Cosmo, who jolted back in his chair. We followed the light as it moved across the horizon, until it was virtually just over the abandoned toy factory across from Jimmy’s pad. The light was like nothing we had seen before. It was as if the moon needed to pee, so it descended down from the sky to lurk behind skyscrapers, in search of privacy. Eventually, as the light grew stronger, and threatened to reveal itself from behind the old factory, Jimmy, Cosmo, and I rushed inside, bolted the screen door, and put on some old conspiracy theory tapes. We were sufficiently spooked.

Which is to say, I think it’s as good a time as ever to move. Aliens, apocalypses, and Ab-Soul songs aside, the scenario is quite simple…

[floating back down to reality, like a popped balloon]

I sell stories (as well as tennis instruction), for money. It takes me a long time to make my stories. As soon as I attract interest, I read every last morsel of information about my topic, scouring databases, newspapers, arranging interviews, visiting historical sites, anything, to better my understanding of that subject. Again, this process takes time. And time is money. Which means, I don’t make very much of it. Therefore I have to teach more tennis. And I don’t want to teach more tennis. It’s tiring.

So what I’ve decided to do… is relocate to Halifax, where I will receive my formal training as a journalist. This way, upon completion of the 8 month program, I can earn a living merely by stepping foot inside an office. Sure, some people could call it selling out. But as Phonte Coleman would say, “What’s selling out if ain’t nobody selling?”

Anyway, all this is to inform you that I’ll be moving from Toronto to Halifax this Sunday. Farewell. I’ll see you on the other side.